This, Here

What The Present Looks Like

Where is ‘HERE’ for you in this moment? What do you know, or wonder, about the place you are in right now? This was the prompt from Beth Kempton at the start of the week.

Where is “here” for me, in this moment? Somewhere in the middle of recovering. Not fully healed, not who I used to be - just quietly, patiently, becoming more authentic.

I’m sleeping more than usual, and I’m happy to have relaxed mornings. It’s enough to just wake up and start the day, with no need to do anything to merit it. I’m finally reading the books in my TBR pile instead of just putting them off. I may not be publishing as much as I would have liked to, but I’m journaling a lot more.

This is a new rhythm I’m still getting used to, and it differs from the old one. Operating with a different approach. Doing things a bit differently. Creating space rather than rushing ahead of myself.

Something came up earlier this month that made me realize I still need to heal. When I thought about it later, I realized an old wound was opened all over again. It my deep need to be liked and valued by others. My investment in people is disproportionate to what I receive. Then I tell myself, “It’s okay. Their need is greater than mine. I’ll take the high road.” Reflecting in my journal, I acknowledged that this was not the right approach. I was treating myself unfairly. To practice gentleness and self-compassion, I need to stop giving more than I get back (excluding charitable acts). I’m starting to invest a lot more in myself for now. It’s an investment worth making.

This is a new way forward. It’s different from the old one. I do not know where this is going. But it feels more like the right direction to go.

To everyone who’s currently rebuilding and reshaping their lives, I acknowlege you.

What’s “here” like for you at the moment?

My new mantra :

“Rest and be thankful.” ― William Wordsworth